When I get plain M&Ms, I hold duels to ensure the strength of the species. Squeezing two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure until one cracks. The loser is eaten immediately; the winner advances. Brown and red M&Ms are tougher, while the blue ones are genetically inferior and struggle in the intense theater of the modern snack-food world.

Occasionally, a mutation occurs—a misshapen or flatter candy. This is usually a weakness, but rarely it grants extra strength, helping the species adapt.

At the end, Im left with the strongest M&M of the herd. I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes”

This week they wrote back to thank me and sent a coupon for a free bag. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion

babe, i'm breaking up with you. it's not you, you were poggers. it's me, i'm omegalul. im sorry if this is pepehands but it has to be done, i've just been feeling pepega and our relationship has been weirdchamp for months, it's time to end it, no kappa.

AC Unit above the shower is leaking water. It occurs when A/C unit is on and working. Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer's thigh. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I'm going to be alright and that there's nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul.

The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I frickin hate gaming laptops.

hey, sorry i saw your profile and i just thought you looked cute in your picture. i really wanted to tell you that)) It's really rare to see girls playing video games haha! I don't know why it's a guy thing honestly im like really against misogyny and like ill be the one in the kitchen making sandwiches. We should really play l4d2 sometime its a really cool zombie game with a lot of scary moments, but don't worry ill be there to protect you :wink: sorry that wasnt flirtring i swear im just trying to be friendly i really like your profile picture sorry was that too far? Really sorry i'm really shy i don't go out much haha add me on skype we should talk you look really nice and fun xxx

Hi.

(I want to say sorry and offer my sincerest apologies for the quality of my English language skill. For you see, as a child, I spoke Lithuanian as a first language, and at the youthful age of 12 I began to learn English as a second language at the Lithuanian School for English Learners. I understand that the vast majority of Steam have exemplary ability to read and write English, and I hope that my mere presence has not hindered your ability to enjoy this content on this website. Additionally, as I understand that Steam is an American website, I hope that I have not misunderstood the American nuances of your language with my comment.)