Not sure if you remember, but we met back in Phuket at that club full of beautiful women. I remember you told me it was your first time ever in Thailand, so of course I had to buy a few rounds to celebrate. You drank so much and were out of it! You ended up scoring big and went home with that one chick you were dancing with all night. After you left, I started talking with the manager of the club who was a polite English gentleman. Interesting enough he explained how all the women were lady boys and would give you anything you want for $10. I felt bad because I knew you were in for a big surprise. Funny enough, you went back the next night! I was at the bar next door and saw you stumbling out with another lady boy around 2:30am. You are one crazy son of a gun!

I met this guy at a dog-themed Kelly Clarkson cover band concert at a local dive bar (Kelly Barkson). He had some ♥♥♥♥ opinions, like thinking My December is better than Stronger, but hey different strokes for different folks. Things got really weird when he invited me over for his family thanksgiving, especially since I had just met the guy. But, I was in a new town for a new job and I didn't really know anyone so I figured hey, it beats sitting at home alone watching Planes, Trains, and Automobiles and perusing the 'hub. So I show up and it's just him sitting in his tiny studio apartment playing dota 2 and he left a plate consisting of half a kroger deli turkey sandwich and a pile of what he kept insisting were "smashed tators". Anyway he ♥♥♥♥ and pissed himself when he lost his fifth game in a row and after that I decided it was time to head home.

Do you take it in the ahnoose

Do you think you could launch a snot rocket right in someone's ear hole? Like.... i'm talkin a big ass loogie launch in that deep, tiny, smelly little hole?

I like to drink my own pee

sing our song