Can you sing my profile plz ? :D

hello pls message me important about ur friend

hello can we trade

Add me ill make a deal with u

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.

“What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer.

“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”

The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.”

The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”

The little girl replies, “Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.” Hope you see this ;)

who is the winner_!

So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

Which bees produce milk? The boo-bees!

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

your parents are fans of the Dynamo ?
-no
then where do they get such dinamersha ?
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my life ;_; 76561198102420808

What would a crocodile wear? CROCS! (i know this is a bad joke hey but my life is a joke so its a win win situation :D)

What do you call a Deagle Blaze with an iBP sticker on it?

A flamethrower

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two gay guys live together... one of them said i'm going to the shop to get candy don't FAP! while i go... The other guy said ok no proplem... then the guy left... when the guy thath walked to the shop was back there was ♥♥♥ everywhere! He said: I TOLD YOU NOT TO FAP!!!!! The other guy said i just farted... =)

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I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?

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How many months does a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ need to bring out the garbage? 9 months.

Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man. "Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

And im a Boy

Israel is 68 years old and still all the neighbors want to ♥♥♥♥ her.

-your parents are fans of the Dynamo ?
-no
-then where do they get such dinamersha ?

lol, very fun :D
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I´m pragnant

ur mom is so fat, if a vampire would drink her blood he will get diabetes.

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why did hitler kill himself: he saw his gas bills. :Dd

No lie But this joke is funny

ur mum

Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," says his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

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What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs.

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Best joke ever: My love life.

Whats the difference between a black man and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of 4.

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife. She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

Along time ago there where 2 underwears in the laundry basket Says the other underwear to the other : "Im going soon on vacation"
Says the other underwear: "I really dont have to go on vacation anymore, because im already brown enough!"

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.

“What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer.

“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”

The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.”

The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”

The little girl replies, “Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”

why did hitler kill himself: he saw his gas bill <3 76561198042469672

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

Have some Fun,
with the Gun.
#want2kinCSGOdouble

what is 2 ♥♥♥♥♥ cals in a plastic pose = Twix :D

two gay guys live together... one of them said i'm going to the shop to get candy don't FAP! while i go... The other guy said ok no proplem... then the guy left... when the guy thath walked to the shop was back there was ♥♥♥ everywhere! He said: I TOLD YOU NOT TO FAP!!!!! The other guy said i just farted... =)

A farmer walks into a bar with a horse. He says, "I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh."

A man yells, "I'll take that bet," and leads the horse into the men's room.

After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, "OK, I'll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry."

The man shouts, "You're on!"

After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, "How did you do it?"

The man replies, "I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him."

Why can't Daredevil join the Avengers ? Because he can't work with Vision

hope you like it:)

Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.

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Best joke ever: My love life.

This moment when your spaghettis fells of your pants and your unicorn eats it salty af :) My id 76561198100870267

Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," says his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

At first I thought you had the IQ of an ice scraper, but then it occured to me that an ice scraper has two things you don't, direction and purpose.

Why did 10 die? Because he was in the middle of 9/11. :P 76561198103599869

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

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