THE 12 APOSTLES

1In the beginning Jesus created the Los Santos.

2 Now Los Santos was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of Jesus was hovering over the waters.

3 And Jesus said, “Let there be Racism,” and there was Racism. 4 Jesus saw that the whites were good, and he separated the whites from the blacks. 5 Jesus called the whites “Angels,” and the blacks he called “darkies.” And there was Asians, and there was Latinos—the first day.

6 And Jesus said, “Let there be a vault between the colours to separate the whites from the blacks.” 7 So Jesus made the vault and separated the blacks under the vault from the whites above it. And it was so. 8 Jesus called the vault “justice.” —the second day.

9 And Jesus said, “Let the blacks under the justice system be gathered to one place, and let a prison appear.” and it was so. 10 Jesus called the prison “Alcatraz,” and the gathered blacks he called “darkies.” And Jesus saw that this was good.

11 Then Jesus said, “Let the darkies produce cotton: for cloth and the like.” And it was so. 12 And Jesus saw that it was good. 13 —the third day.

14 And Jesus said, “Let there be whites in the vault of the sky to separate them from the blacks, and let them serve as the chosen to dictate sacred times, 15 and let them be the rulers in the vault of the sky to give orders to the darkies of Los Santos.” And it was so. 16 Jesus made twelve great whites—He also made the police. 17 Jesus set them in the vault of the sky to protect the whites from the darkies, 18 And Jesus saw that it was good. 19 —the fourth day.

20 And Jesus said, “Let the water teem with sharks, to fill the killing fields of the sky.” 21 And Jesus saw that it was good. 22 Jesus blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and ♥♥♥♥ and fill the ocean.” 23 —the fifth day.

24 And Jesus said, “Let Alcatraz produce license plates according to their kinds: the real ones, for the cars, and the fake ones, for the gift shops, each according to its kind.” And it was so. 25 And Jesus saw that it was good.
26 Then Jesus said, “Let me make 12 men similar to my image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the darkies in the prison and the whites in the skyscrapers, over the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ animals, and over all the creatures that ♥♥♥♥ along the ground.”

27 So Jesus created 12 men in his own image,
in the image of Jesus he created them;
male and female he created them.

28 Jesus blessed them and said to them, “Be rich and ♥♥♥♥ well; fill Los Santos with drugs and rule it. Rule over the darkies in the prisons and the Asians in China and over every Latino that does all the ♥♥♥♥♥♥ jobs we don’t want to.”

29 Then Jesus said, “I give you every dollar in my wallet. And you may use this for the purchase of Doritos and Mountain Dew.
30 And to all the whites of Los Santos—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every gun for your use.” And it was so.

31 Jesus saw all that he had made, and it was alright he shrugged. —the sixth day.


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