We Slam all the Clams

Dear Clam Slammers...

I write to you bearing bad news. The members of the Clam Slammers executive team have recently commissioned the University of Melbourne to conduct an experimental research study, with the ultimate goal of determining the viability of clam slamming in the near future and beyond. The results of this study are devastating to our team, as they indicate that there are fewer than fifteen clams remaining to be slammed globally, and we simply do not have labour force to locate and slam these clams.

Thus, effective immediately, the clam slammers will be dissolved, and all members will be promptly executed as to not reveal proprietary and sensitive knowledge concerning previous clams that have been slammed.
You may be foolish enough to think that this announcement has provided you with adequate warning to escape your execution, but you are wrong... no one can run from the clam slammers executive team.

Anyways, ♥♥♥♥ you

bye.